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Frankly, He’s Thankful

A Divorced Gay Dad Appreciates The Small Stuff

Lifestyle by Tom Tietjen (From GayCalgary® Magazine, September 2015, page 18)
Frankly, He’s Thankful: A Divorced Gay Dad Appreciates The Small Stuff

"I used to be a bitchy gay guy, now I'm a bitchy gay dad," admits Frank Lowe, a thirty-something recently divorced gay dad whose self-deprecating view of parenthood and single gay life is published monthly on

He describes getting out of a 17-year monogamous homosexual relationship like waking up from a deep coma. "I am alive in an entirely different era than when I was last single in 1997. I have taken a big gay time machine to a new world – full of Scruff, Tinder, Hornet, and Jack’d, to name a few."

There is nomenclature that didn’t exist before he partnered up. The last time he was single, twinks were called "chickens," and older gays were called "trolls" or "chicken-hawks." The term "daddy" only referred to a sugar daddy, and not in a desirable way.

Gratitude #1

At least he’s a "daddy" during a time when daddies are considered hot. That’s a trend he says he’s going to ride. Literally.

The hardest part of being a gay divorced dad is sharing custody. Frank has a 50/50 agreement with his ex-husband. In his column, he describes the favorite moment of the week: when his 5-year-old son is with him again. "It’s the moment that I’m 100% less alone than I was a few minutes ago. It’s when I feel like a family," he says.

His son’s name is Briggs, which originates from the word bridge, and ironically he has been exactly that for Frank and his ex.

Gratitude #2

The love Frank and his ex have for their son has usurped any negativity they feel towards each other.

In terms of Briggs’ adjustment, the dads are continually monitoring and discussing it. Some days, the boy is all smiles and happiness. Other days, he has a heavy mind. Frank admits he often feels guilt, however, he and his ex-husband made a decision they believe will ultimately be the best for the entire family.

When it’s Briggs’ last night with Frank, the boy holds his daddy extra tight before he goes to sleep. Later that evening, Frank sneaks into his room a couple times to see Briggs sleeping in his bed. Dropping Briggs off at school the next day will be hell because Frank knows his life is on pause until Briggs’ back in it.

"I become that weird parent who lingers and doesn’t want to let go of his kid. I whisper into his ear something I’ve said to him since birth: "I love you more than anything else in the world."

To which Briggs’ replies, "I love you too, Daddy."

Those five words carry Frank to the next time he sees Briggs.

Gratitude #3

Frank is Briggs’ father – his rock, and Briggs will always be his.


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