Winter’s a-coming, so you’d better put on a layer of fat or grow a layer of fur! The theme for this porn review: bears and furry guys – my personal favorite! I’d have to say that what makes them so endearing is the rugged and formidable appearance paired with gentle, laid back, fun-loving personality.
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“Free Fur All” by BearFilms.com
What can I say? This porno was beary beary hot, though I’ve come to expect this standard from BearFilms. Most of the guys are chunky, adorned with tattoos, scruffy beards and goatees, and covered in fur front and back. If none of that turns you on, then this is not a film for you.
Something particularly unique about this video is that the first scene was performed in front of a live studio audience of 50 bears and cubs! Beary Springer anyone? I kid, it was actually done to raise funds at a bear event in Portland, Oregon. I found it a little odd to hear audience applause after all the guys had reached their climax, but wow, I would too! Audience participation is a wonderful thing. The next scene had two bears with a little salt-and-pepper in their fur, followed by a mixed-age four-way. I could go on and on about how woofy the next several scenes were, especially with the cute red-head cub from the DVD cover, but I should let you see it with your own eyes.
“Hard Cops” by John Druno Video
Why can’t OUR police force be more like this? …well, minus the part where they fire their gun with their eyes closed – that might be dangerous. In the locker room, the delightfully furry Dan Rider notices Mark O’Reily “popping a chubby” in his boxers after talking to his superior, Zak Spears. These guys are extremely macho, tough acting and rough talking. They grunt, growl, call each other “white trash,” “faggot,” and “whore,” and smack each other around in a forcible fashion. The woof-factor is totally off the charts!!
The next scene shows the definition of “bad cop” as Zak Spears pulls over an unsuspecting driver and asks for all the money in his wallet. When he gets back into the cop car, he tells his partner “You tell anybody ‘bout this and I’ll cut your f$%#ing dick off and it’ll be floating in the Pacific ocean.” Ahhh, the flourish of unnecessary brutality. I do like this idea of a pat-down though, as Mario Ortiz gets groped and molested in a park restroom. You’re not going to find a concealed weapon up there!
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“Hunting” by Blue Jay Productions
Take your usual storylines and tantalizing set ups and throw them to the wind. This film doesn’t try to be anything but a porno. It starts directly into a steamy 4-way between a bunch of workers at a loading dock as they go at it behind a delivery truck, and later on the prongs of a fork-lift. “Fork me! Fork me!” That was me saying it, not them. The next scene featured the studly Tom Katt bottoming one-on-one for a less muscular hottie.
The next several scenes looked as if they’d been dug out of the archives, showing some truly average guys in average scenes. One scene even featured a cheesy product placement for “Photo-op” by Thrust Studios before erupting into further run of the mill action. Later on (about 4 hours into it) there was a hot tattooed Latino, but otherwise it was all just a blur. Look on the plus side, the DVD is 5 hours long – you’re bound to get off on something!
“White Brief Encounters” by Bacchus
Okay, so maybe if you’re clever (or just financially well off), you can avoid the winter altogether by visiting a warmer climate. I found the acting in White Brief Encounters to be quite natural – even witty at times! A delivery boy gets shorted 56 cents, so instead he gets tipped a different way. The play on words put a smile on my face at least.
The boy receiving the delivery was pretty cute. He answers the door in his new pair of white underwear, showing off a nice sprinkling of chest hair and a healthy layer of “baby fat” all over his body. I hope that was sweat and not tears running down his face as he serviced the delivery boy! Next up, two average “beach-bum” types play around in the laundry room, each starting out in their white undies. Though the one had a slightly furry torso, I found neither to be particularly handsome. Oh well, every porno needs a little filler. Finally, the furry daddy on the cover sneaks in on a twink who is taking a cat-nap in nothing but his white drawers. There must be some kind of theme to this whole film, but I’m just not seeing it… *wink*
Dress warmly this winter! And don’t proposition frosty the snowman – he may be a great snow-blower, but he’ll leave frost-bite marks! Ugh, that was terrible…
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