Charity. It is a very VERY big thing in the GLBT community. You may even say it is a cornerstone of what we call community. Many of the major non-profit groups in our city make donations to charities, are charities themselves, or exist primarily to raise money for particular charitable causes. Countless individuals donate not only their funds, but their time and energy toward causes that they feel strongly about, and by extension, the non-profit groups that support these causes.
The GLBT community shows its generosity the whole year round – we showcase it year after year in this magazine – yet this time of the year is traditionally the time to be generous and giving above all others. The holiday season demands even more from us, amidst a recession to boot. Something’s gotta give…and realistically, it can’t always be you.
It may seem heroic to be that person who is struggling financially, but still organizes that fundraiser or contributes generously to the donation jar. But one has to realize that many of these charities are a task that will take anything and everything you can give to them, and still ask for more, with no end. You have to be the one who draws the line at what you can afford to give, knowing that too much generosity could put your own wellbeing in jeopardy.
Someone who is struggling to pay their rent, their phone bill, their utilities, to buy groceries, to look after their health, to pay back loans, etc., is not doing anyone a favour by giving their money away, or offering time that they could be using to earn the money they need to support themselves.
Think of the situation like rescuing someone dangling from the edge of a cliff. The moment you offer your hand, you yourself are in danger. So before you do that, you should make damn certain you have some stable footing, and the sensibility to let go – as awful as it may seem - before you lose your balance and go over the edge too.
The goal of charity is to improve the condition of the world, not to create more problems, or trade one person’s wellbeing for another’s. If you are putting yourself out on the street to donate to a cause, then – I apologize because there’s no delicate way of saying this - you are just being stupid and irresponsible. You could reason that you may need to rely on one of these organizations someday, but who is going to help you now? There are no charities that I know of to give financial aid to able-bodied individuals fully capable of helping themselves, but who don’t, because they are too busy giving to charity. (Maybe there should be, but fundraising would be a really tough sell.) Charities accept your generosity as your choice to give, and would never ask you to give more than you can afford.
Time is just as precious a resource as money, and likewise, if you can’t afford to spare your time then you are doing no favours for non-profit groups by running yourself ragged. In our six years of running the magazine, we have witnessed the plight of a number of individuals who stretched themselves far too thin because they didn’t know when to let things go. They reached a point where they burned themselves out so totally that they became utterly useless, even a hindrance, dragging their organizations down with them. Their floundering nearly destroyed those projects they promised to maintain, until they had little choice but to stop and abandon their efforts, leaving those groups in a lurch. Did they feel good about the work they did? Well, from the bitter way some of them behaved toward the community, I would guess that in fact they felt resentful, even ashamed of it. I can only imagine what havoc this caused in their personal lives, and many disappeared completely from the public eye to get the lives that they neglected back on track. Did anyone feel sorry for them? Maybe…but I would say those around them mostly felt angry about the harm their irresponsible personal decisions caused.
So yes, some degree of personal stability - a solid foundation - is vital before you should consider sticking your neck out for others. Your heart may be in the right place, but if you cannot fulfill the commitments you make, then you stand to do harm when you fall, and furthermore you are of no use to anyone if you put yourself out of commission. Diving off a cliff to catch someone is briefly valiant, but ultimately tragic.
The moment you find yourself compelled to do something because “nobody else will,” stop and think very carefully about what you’re getting yourself into. Unless you have the charisma to drum up interest in others, with whom you can share the burden and later pass the torch, then you can count on the project dying when you (eventually must) leave it.
On the flip side of the coin, there are many who do possess that stability, and yet, won’t step forward. It could be argued that the only reason some are so stable is because they avoid taking the risk of helping others – a “crabs in the bucket” philosophy. They have a lot more to give, but fear that they also have a lot more to lose if they become involved. Some may become accustomed to pouring funds into maintaining an expensive lifestyle, with frivolous spending that gives the illusion that money is tight.
Certainly, if you are better off, I encourage you to find a way of taking a more active role in your community, if not by donating money then by offering your time toward non-profit/charity groups that make a difference. Realistically, you can afford to give up a few luxuries - make your lives more interesting with a personal challenge. It’s really not that tough to do – skip the $80 brand name cotton shirt at Holt Renfrew, get the virtually identical $10 no-name cotton shirt at WalMart. Then put the $70 that you saved toward a good cause, or even keep it, to subsidize your time volunteering. I’m not saying “don’t shop at Holt Renfrew”, just that one who makes more money shouldn’t necessarily be required to spend more of it to survive and be happy.
The tradition of giving that comes with the Holiday Season is not meant to pound guilt into you when you’re already struggling, or make you feel ashamed for passing up the donation jar. Whether rich, poor, or somewhere in between, take a step back and evaluate yourself this holiday season. If you’re busting your hump to help a good cause, make sure you don’t end up out in the cold yourself, even if it means stepping back gracefully. If you’re out shopping for the finest gifts that money can buy, chances are, you can find a better way to spend that wealth than spoiling yourself, your friends, or even your family.
Taboo
Ah, the dreaded month of November. Well, it’s dreaded for us anyway, as the month we are so incredibly busy and yet get next to nothing done. The reason for this has been the 7-year tradition of participating in the Taboo: Naughty but Nice Show, an exhibition of anything to do with sex. We launched our very first edition at the Calgary show, and began attending the Edmonton equivalent when we expanded our coverage three years ago. We find that it’s a great way to promote our magazine to a local audience, and interact with readers that we may not otherwise bump into.
This year we did something a little different in an attempt to break down the barrier between those straight people I’ve mentioned in past November columns. You know, the ones who come to a sex show and behave like prudes when they walk by our booth; the ones who act like, if they get too close, we may trick them into turning gay or something. We handed out free condoms (generously provided by AIDS Calgary and HIV Edmonton) and lollipops attached to promotional postcards, prominently emblazoned with the saying, “Reading it won’t make you gay,” with smaller subtext, “(But it will make you AWESOME!)”
I intended the slogan to be an explicit reassurance to people who are straight, questioning, or just curious, to feel welcome to check out our magazine without being judged; that no matter what their sexual orientation may be, they are better people for opening their minds to a GLBT publication – a different point of view.
This cheeky statement of the obvious turned out to be a huge hit at the shows! Of course, there were still a few straight couples that snubbed us and didn’t walk by close enough to see it, but so many more actually stopped this time to chuckle with us about the cards, and even took magazines to read up on some of their favorite celebrities. By far it was our best pick-up rate at the Taboo shows yet!
Of course many people took magazines for their gay friends, which showed a sweet consideration for them. Even if those magazines are old news, the act of sharing them still enforces a kind of solidarity between them.
A group of people who identified themselves as school teachers also decided to take some of the cards and magazines, but in their case they wanted to show them to the GLBT youth groups in their schools as an example of what they can do to raise awareness. Now that made us really proud.
As we’ve done in past years, we offered our booths at the Taboo shows as a fundraising venue for the Calgary and Edmonton courts. While the ISCCA had to pass for this year up, the ISCWR took full advantage of the booth at the Edmonton shows, selling chocolates, pins, and coupon books. Of course the chocolates were the big seller, and they made close to $700 that weekend. Furthermore, by participating in the stage performances, they were able to raise further awareness of their group in front of a unique audience that they otherwise wouldn’t reach. I have to say that Steve and I were really impressed with their devotion to being there, and their initiative to help us promote the magazine without us even asking.
November 2009
Sadly the Calgary and Edmonton Taboo shows this year conflicted with another major event happening in Edmonton – the Exposure Festival. Most disappointingly it meant we couldn’t meet Buck Angel in person, whom we interviewed in the November edition. Festival Producer Ted Kerr recounted to us one of Buck’s events that took place at Steamworks Bathhouse…I’m not exactly sure if I’m sorry that I missed that one, though he described it as “intense”. Otherwise, we’re told the festival was a great success.
It’s a long story, but as fate would have it, this month I ended up going to Edmonton on my own while Steve stayed behind in Calgary to cover events. I was supposed to head up on Friday, but I quickly reconsidered after the freak snowstorm that we had that afternoon. We were out running errands at the time, and I was lucky to get us home in one piece. So I went up the next day instead. Making the long drive on my own was a bit unnerving, especially when it came to navigating the streets of Edmonton. I usually rely quite heavily on Steve to be the navigator, but this time I was flying solo.
I made it up for the second night of Boots’ 30th Anniversary, which was an impromptu bear party. Owner Jim Schafer, who had been in the hospital over the past month, was happy to be feeling better and back sitting in his usual spot at the bar.
Dyke to Diva took the stage at Prism Bar & Grill to a sold-out crowd, delivering a very entertaining show. At the end of the night, the panel of judges crowned the next winner, Anita Bitch.
This Month
The Texas Lounge has their 22nd anniversary on December 16th, so go down and join them as they celebrate!
T’is the season to enjoy the oral talents of our local choirs! The Calgary Men’s Chorus is putting on their annual Christmas concert entitled “Glory” on December 20th, and Edmonton Vocal Minority holds their concert, “Merry and Bright” on the 14th. For more information, see their ads in this edition.
If you like sitting down for a meal in the company of friends, the Calgary Eagle is hosting their annual Christmas dinner on the 13th, the day after the ARGRA Christmas dinner. This year ARGRA has brought in Pianist Jeffrey Straker – look for an interview with Straker in this edition.
Happy Holidays
As we sign off for 2009, I remind you to look for our January 2010 edition first thing next year. Until then, all of us here at GayCalgary and Edmonton Magazine wish you a safe and happy holiday season.

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