By David Stewart
There are a number of men in the scene who are happy to play idly, enjoying hedonistic sex whenever it comes their way while avoiding intimacy. Others maintain relationships that are otherwise vanilla, until they step into the playroom.
More power to them, but this article is about a different kind of leatherman and a different kind of relationship. For many men in leather culture, relationships, no matter how fleeting or long-term, are steeped in power exchange and a continuing dynamic of dominance and submission.
It seems fairly easy to quantify a leather relationship: “That guy is wearing the collar, so he’s the slave and the other guy is the Master.” For the casual onlooker, this may be true, but in actuality there is a wide spectrum of relationships between dominant tops and submissive bottoms in leather culture. These relationships are defined by the identity of the people involved, ranging from Masters and their slaves to Daddies and their boys to Sirs and their boys. This month, I’m going to take a look at the Master/slave dynamic.
Although no relationship type is superior to another, Masters and slaves are often seen as “the best” or an end-goal by the green and uninformed. If you look online, you’ll find countless profiles of men professing to be “slaves” or “masters” who have somehow learned how to care for human property by the ripe age of 20. They may think they know what it means but clearly have no idea how a Master/slave dynamic is supposed to work. For many newbies, a Master is somebody willing to say, “Do my dishes, you bitch,” before retiring to his messy bedroom to recite rap songs (trust me, the video exists on xTube, and people apparently pay to watch it), or a slave is a guy who will give a blowjob and then leave without any reciprocation. There is a definite power dynamic in these examples, but neither of them go deep enough.
In short, the best way to explain a Master/slave dynamic is with the term “total authority exchange”. The slave gives all authority to the Master, and in turn the Master is responsible for the wellbeing of the slave. The slave becomes as close to an owned piece of property as possible (while still being legal). The Master determines everything from the slave’s mode of dress, to where they sleep, to what and how they eat. For part-time couples, the rules will obviously be different when they are apart, but for full-time couples these rules are in effect until the Master determines otherwise. This level of management and control generally leads to a lack of physical intimacy. “Good slave,” is often as physically intimate as things get on the surface, even though the parties are fulfilling each other’s emotional needs.
Since much of the work in a Master/slave relationship involves micromanaging minute details, a slave contract is often used to outline the relationship. Slave contracts can outline the responsibilities of each party, daily life, limits, assets, time limit of the relationship, or anything that might be contested at any point within the period of the contract. This way, the couple or a trusted third party can look over the contract and determine if the contested behavior or event was out of line, so that appropriate action is taken to return to the guidelines. For example, if the contract states that the Master will not beat the slave while the Master is intoxicated, and the Master wants to beat the slave after a night at the bar, it might be a good idea for the couple to refer to their contract to determine what constitutes ‘intoxicated’.
Furthermore, the mentalities of Master and slave differ from other tops and bottoms in leather relationships. The slave’s fulfillment is derived directly from serving, with his own comfort or pleasure being completely incidental. That is not to say that the slave doesn’t have needs and wants of his own; he places the needs and wants of the Master first. Even so, we are all human, and we all need a break or a beer or a night of sensual bondage while encased in black latex, once in a while. These things may not be in the Master’s interest (except maybe the last one), but the Master has to know what is in the slave’s interest.
There is much more to being a Master than wearing a Muir Cap. He is, in almost every sense of the word, responsible for the life of another human being. The successes and failings of that life fall directly on the Master’s shoulders. It’s a heavy responsibility and a lot of work, but also very satisfying for those who are up to the task. Masters are, therefore, expected to be worthy of such a title. Traditional signs of success in career and finance, knowledge on human management and behavior, and exceeding skill in the playroom are a few of the signs of a qualified Master.
What qualifies as a Master or a slave is very exclusive, which is part of the allure of the relationship. There are many hurdles to overcome in order to find a good slave or good Master, and the minefield of fakers and verdant wannabes is only one.
For slaves, the loss of control is exciting, but choosing to whom they submit is anything but a fly-by-night decision. The gift of submission is invaluable, so finding a Master who is worthy of that submission should be a well thought-out process. Likewise for Masters, finding a slave who is worth your control should be equally well thought-out.
If you might want to be a slave, are you ready to live under complete, unquestioning obedience? Could you find enjoyment out of doing something you legitimately hate if it pleased another person? Would you share all details of your thoughts with somebody, regardless of how it might affect the relationship? The vast majority would answer no, even many of us involved in leather culture. Likewise, if you would like to try your hand at being a Master, could you manage somebody’s life to the extent that you are thinking for two people at once? Is your life in the kind of order that would be expected of a Master? Can you provide for the needs of another human who is completely under your control? Again, the vast majority would answer no.
Hope is not lost, however, for those of us who fantasize about these things, just not to this extreme. Every relationship is different, and there is a whole spectrum within leather culture between dominant tops and submissive bottoms. Next month, we’ll be exploring the Daddy/boy dynamic, which has nothing to do with incest and everything to do with guidance and mentoring.
The Master/slave dynamic is, like any relationship, much more complex than can be written about in this short space; this is only an overview. If you’re interested in learning more about it, I recommend you read “Slavecraft” by Guy Baldwin, as well as “The Compleat [sic] Slave” and “The Master’s Manual” by Jack Rinella.
