In researching to prepare for this article, I of course went to the website, which in this case is the basis for this latest Ground Zero Theatre/Hit and Myth Productions play. My first impression was of some spelling and grammar so terrible it was funny, and some downright shocking honesty.
”Hi My story started right after my dear husband died at the young age of 50 years. I had no kids I was alone except for our big wonder full german sheppered dog...”
”My job involves working in peoples homes and some years ago I was doing a job for a blind lady of about sixty years of age, you could tell she had been very attractive when she was younger and, was still quite tasty now.”
”I read a lot of fantasy stories about fucking your mothers. I believe that some of you have experienced it as i have.”
”We rolled over. ’Go with it’ I said as I put my mowth on his dick. He came in my mowth. I took my mowth off is dick. ’Not bad for your frist cum James.’ ’Think you Gary for letting me loss my virginity.’ ’Me too. Lets sleep naked tonight’ He agreed and we slept togather naked in his bed. When we woke up and got dreesed affter we eat.”
The first page alone contained two dog sex stories, three mom-sex stories, and poorly written attempts at porn. My first reaction was “they made a play out of this?”
“I don’t want to give too much away but there are some fantastic stories—some shocking, some heartbreaking, and no animals,” explained Karen Johnson-Diamond, one of the four actors in the show. “It is what everyone is afraid to talk about but desperately wants to. It is so exciting to think about what these people were feeling when they were first typing it into the computer. It is a great feeling of anonymity when you are talking about it for the first time because rarely do any of us do that.”
The obvious comparison that people will make, on first impression, is to The Vagina Monologues. A better comparison she says is to Ground Zero’s hit show CockTales.
“We are taking on these people’s stories and telling them. There is a little scene work. It is in the same vein as CockTales, which was a huge hit over the past few years—that cabaret style storytelling with audience involvement. The audience is going to be asked anonymously some questions they can choose to answer. We will learn about the audience’s feelings about their first time, average age, etc. It is this communal orgy of shared information, but it is all anonymous. So we have some freedom to explore within the audience how they are feeling with the stories we are telling. It is funny and heartbreaking and tear-jerking, everybody wants to hear it and talk about it but no one will admit it and they will all be there. Hopefully somebody in that audience has the same story that we are telling. They are the cream of the crop these stories, but not one in a million. They belong to more than one person.”
There are homosexual experiences represented in the show, in much better fidelity than the “frist cum” of Gary and James above.
“I don’t have a lesbian scene but there are a number of them. We were talking about the script and going, it wouldn’t make any difference if we took all of woman one’s monologues and gave them to man number one, or vice versa. They are so universal and about the event, it makes no difference one way or another. Every form of sex is represented except for animals, and they are so genuine and heartfelt and end with a feeling of I’m just telling you, I am not looking for approval. There are stories that make us feel great, uncomfortable, shocked, jealous, and within those stories some are heterosexual, some are homosexual and it doesn’t make any difference. It is all just about the event and the emotions of the event.”
Diamond-Johnson relates with several of the stories, but has a different outlook as a parent as well.
“There are a couple of stories where I have said been there, done that. Where I am sitting right now is listening to these stories from the point of view of a mother of a thirteen year old boy. There is a whole section about how old were you when…? I am going, oh my god my kid still sleeps with the hall light on but this could be him in a year and a half! It is certainly not a show I would bring my kid to—I want to for so many reasons but I can’t and won’t. It is heartwarming to hear the stories that I have been through because I don’t have any tragic stories, and hope that as a mother my son’s first time is equally as pain free and non-dramatic.”
GZT can be accused of a bit of deceptive marketing, as the poster for the show features the four actors (Diamond-Johnson, David Trimble, Tyrell Crews and Jamie Konchak) naked behind laptops. Yes, despite teasing a naked Tyrell Crews, he and the rest of the cast remain fully clothed.
“There is no nudity, that is the sad part. My neighbours are saying ‘Karen I saw the poster, is that what you are going to look like on stage?’ No. Ty is not shirtless either. I wish. They are putting him in a tight t-shirt! Maybe we could do like the splatter zone (such as in Evil Dead: The Musical) and you pay extra for the backstage glance with the shirt off? Oh my god I have to stop talking like that! He is practically half my age.”
It is understandable that she may get a little worked up, she is after all talking about sex all day. While the show often rattles off percentages like how many people hated their first time, 100% will want to go home and have sex after.
“That is true. You walk out of rehearsal going, ohh I have to go home fast. My husband is enjoying the rehearsal process. He will be like, ‘You need to work for ground zero more often,’ although coming home soaked in blood is not as sexy.”
So sit back with some friends, grab a drink, and enjoy an evening talking about everyone’s favorite subject they don’t admit to loving—sex!
“What Ground Zero has always done, especially with things like Full Monty, Urinetown, Cocktales and Evil Dead is just entertain [so you can] go out and have a night of in your face entertainment. It is a girl’s night out, a guy’s night out, a date night... I would love to see someone on a first date see this show. It is a safe bet for theatre because it is everybody’s story and will take you on an emotional roller-coaster. Virgins are going to get just as much out of this show as non-virgins. I can’t say that there is anybody perhaps other than my 13 year old son that wouldn’t see themselves in this show and glean something from it.”
“It is opening up about what the hell are we being so prudish about? Let’s just talk about it and not act like it is a dirty business. Maybe sex is a taboo subject because talking about it in detail rarely happens. This is an anonymous way to hear your and other people’s details while you are sitting at a cabaret table with your best friends, having a drink. It’s just great.”
“Come to our opening,” she concludes, pun intended.
