When you re-enter the dating scene, you market yourself much like any product with the goal of getting a buyer. Yet, you are also a consumer of any marketing methods. What are the costs for each method and which works best?

Using myself as a test subject, I looked at some choices out there for gay men. The options I considered: bars, internet dating sites, word-of-mouth among one’s friends, community groups, gay speed dating and a professional matchmaking company.

Bars & Nightclubs: I wouldn’t advise it. Why? First, odds are Mr. Right is actually Mr. Right-NOW. Second, bars and nightclubs could be lumped under meeting through friends: most people usually go there in a group and then run into other friends. Finally, there are dozens of bars for the straight community, and only four or five bars for the Edmonton or Calgary gay community. That being said, if you are going to meet someone, your odds are better at a pub or bar where you can sit down and talk rather than at a nightclub where you can’t hear yourself thing. The cost here depend on if there is a cover charge, and how easy of a drunk you are.

Self-serve dating sites: these websites are popping up everywhere like cockroaches. No longer the refuge of the sad and desperate, they’ve become more acceptable over the past few years. Most offer some features for free, but you have to pay for additional services. Fees can range from $30 to much more.

I posted my ad on several sites for comparison. They all function much the same – add your photo, then type in your profile or use a checklist to notify others of your likes and dislikes.

Several men I talked to said Manhunt.org is currently the most popular site. Be warned – you’ll wade through a lot of dick shots…they don’t separate casual sex seekers from those seeking friendships or relationships. PlentyofFish.com also has a good selection of men, and it’s 100% free. As well, they have strict photo enforcements: pictures are optional, but your face must be clearly visible. Any nudity will see your account deleted. Both sites are very user friendly – I was able to get my profile up in minutes. Some of the other sites (Gay.com, Manline) took a while for the system to think about it; or you had to fill out form after form after form.

What are the drawbacks? Spam (“Russian men to be needing hot loving now!”), men who can’t read (if you have a good photo but your ad says you’re not looking for sex, they ignore that and ask for your dick size), men who “ken’t spel”, or men whom “they grammar be bad”. PEOPLE! Write it out first in Word, run spelling and grammar checker, THEN post...it’s not rocket science! Additionally, it’s a huge sucker of time – I would say of the sites I used, I probably spent 12 hours per week emailing, sorting, tweaking my ad, and so on. If time is money to you, this footwork is dollars lost.

Friends: Of about 20 people I surveyed, only one person had anyone with which to match me up (in theory). Additionally, most said they wouldn’t play matchmaker as both parties might blame them if things went sour – or as one person said, “I find it less deadly to play dumb on this one.” In the past, I did have a friend who matched me up with my former boyfriend. Oddly enough, the relationship with the ex lasted longer than the friendship I had with the person who introduced us. Cost is an advantage here, as you can usually meet through friends for free, or for the price of coffee.

Community Groups: If you think about it, in their own way they are a larger version of word-of-mouth among friends. I surveyed three local groups: Apollo, ARGRA, and Rocky Mountain Bears. Apollo and Rocky Mountain Bears indicated while there were a few couples who met through their group, it didn’t happen that often. Billy Loiselle with ARGRA did say he knew lots of couples who met through their organization, and that, depending on the event, there were a lot of potential hookups (especially at the rodeo). Any community group will widen your circle of friends, and usually what happens then is you meet Mr. Right at a club event and find out he’s a friend of someone in the group.

Cost: annual membership runs from $15-$20, depending on the organization. As well, additional events (dances, sporting events, dinners, etc.) may come with extra costs. [Editor’s Sarcastic Note: you might even get suckered into doing some real volunteer work!]

Gay Speed Dating: Mathew John Chyzyk of JohnandJohn Events recently organized a successful event for the under 25 set. Of the nearly 2 dozen men in attendance, only 5 didn’t make a connection, and at the time I submitted this article, they have one official couple. Mathew mentioned that before and after the timed dates, attendees had the chance to freely socialize, so regardless of whether or not any more guys couple up, several friendships where made. Again, the worse case scenario is that you expand your social circle, and at some point in the future, a friend of a friend becomes your partner.

Cost: $30 (includes appetizers at the function). At this time, Mathew is planning another event in February targeted to men aged 25-35.

Professional match making service: Entre-Nous is a professional match making service exclusively for long term same-sex relationships. This would appeal to guys who find all the other methods time-consuming, unsuccessful, risky and frustrating. By comparison, think of a man who hires movers, painters, weekly housecleaning, or a personal trainer at the gym even though this guy could do all of the above tasks for himself.

They do a thorough screening process…I felt like I was applying for a job. As they told me, Entre-Nous “only accepts outstanding individuals who are financially stable, emotionally available and serious about starting a long-term relationship.”

Cost? I can’t give you an exact price, as their fees are individualized based on clients’ needs and wants. I can tell you the price is significantly more than any of the other methods I’ve covered in this article. On the other hand, the process and the fees force you to ask yourself, “Do I really want a relationship now?” You go into this situation with the understanding you WILL meet someone compatible. Guys who are frustrated by all the other methods I’ve listed will go this route. I can see this appealing to a lot of men – in fact, in my interview, they said Calgary is one of their fastest growing markets.

Overall Results: Which choice worked best? In my case, I did meet a few guys, but no fireworks. That’s fine as the research made me realize I’m quite happy being single. I can tell you that the best option for sizing up a man is a face-to-face meeting. Therefore, I’d recommend the community groups and Gay Speed Dating. My second choice would be Entre-Nous, even though – in my opinion – the process strikes me as a bit cold and clinical; perhaps the opposite of what you would expect for love. However, there are a lot of perfectly nice guys out there who don’t have the time to join a community group, or they have tried all the aforementioned dating methods in the past but haven’t succeeded – for them, the matchmaking company is the perfect answer. And scraping the bottom of the barrel is internet dating sites. Yes, I know you met your husband, or your best friend’s sister’s hairdresser met his lover through one of these sites. Yet for all the bullshit and time you’ll spend messing around on a site (or multiple sites), it feels like an electronic version of a bar or nightclub. Just don’t expect much from them, and you won’t be disappointed.

Little Black Book

Community Groups:

- Apollo: www.apollocalgary.com

- ARGRA (Alberta Rockies Gay Rodeo Association): www.argra.org

- Rocky Mountain Bears: www.rockymountainbears.com

Entre-Nous: www.entrenousnetwork.com

Gay Speed Dating: www.johnandjohnevents.com

Internet Dating Sites: www.manhunt.org; www.plentyoffish.com