I remember well my elementary school years and the “notorious” Tronner boys who were feared by many younger kids, especially sensitive ones like myself. Rumours had it that the Tronners were into all kinds of illegal activities, and beating up other children was part of their repertoire. I remember being chased by them once, and somehow I managed to escape being caught, despite my short legs and my chronic asthma problems. I was really scared.

You may remember your own childhood experiences of being scared because you were getting bullied, but are you still being bullied now? It would be nice to think that bullying no longer occurs, but that is not the real world in which we live. Bullies have always existed, and as always, they need victims.

Wikipedia lists six types of bullying: (a) school bullying, (b) workplace bullying, (c) cyberbullying, (d) political bullying, (e) military bullying, and (f) hazing. From this, you can see that bullying is not just something that school-aged children and adolescents experience: it is also something that many adults experience as well. [1] Bullies are perpetrators of intentional hurt and suffering toward others. The term abusers is also used in this column, and abusers are those who hurt others, but their actions may or may not be intentionally directed at hurting others.

The queer community continues to be victimized by those who see our vulnerability. In what ways are we more vulnerable? Firstly, gay men are less physically aggressive compared to heterosexual men and transwomen (male-to female) are even less so. [2]

Secondly, we are and continue to be a community of individuals who are oppressed, ridiculed, and castigated by those who don’t want to understand us or those who don’t want to treat us as equals. A recent study revealed that lesbian, gay, and bisexual (LGB) individuals have experienced greater amounts of childhood sexual, psychological, and physical abuse compared to heterosexual individuals. [3] A large scale study of lesbians found that 30.8% of participants reported being “harshly beaten or physically abused in childhood” and 21.2% similarly abused in adulthood. A whopping 39.3% reported sexual victimization before age 16 and 36.2% since age 16. [4]

At least 50% of LGB students in high school are verbally abused by their peers, and those who are open about their sexual orientation and who have a history of more gender atypical behaviour are victimized more often. [5] A recent Canadian study also found that LGB youth reported being bullied, sexually harassed, and physically abused to a greater extent compared to heterosexual adolescents. [6] Even gay tourists report high levels of victimization while on holidays and that they experience discrimination by the tourist industry itself. [7]

It is not true that bullying in its various forms is harmless either. Bullying creates consequences for the victims. Those who are more gender nonconforming and bullied have a greater likelihood of committing suicide, [8] and many other survivors of bullying develop post-traumatic stress disorder (17% in one study) or suffer depression. [9]

As you might expect, most of the research on bullying toward queer individuals assumes that the perpetrators are heterosexual. In fact, in my PsychInfo database search, no references could be found that specifically deal with bullying within the queer community. Do we bully each other? This topic itself would make a fascinating thesis for a graduate student. What we do know is this:

As adults, LGB individuals experience more psychological and physical abuse inflicted by their partners compared to straights. [10] Psychological and physical victimization within same-sex adolescent relationships is similar to that experienced by adolescents in opposite-sex relationships. [11, 12] A Canadian study found, however, that dating-partner physical abuse was more common within adolescent same-sex couples compared to adolescent opposite-sex couples. [13] In a study of 2,881 men who have sex with men, 34% had experienced psychological or symbolic battering by an intimate partner, 22% had been physically battered, and 5% had been sexually battered. [14] In another study of 499 GLBT individuals, 9% reported physical violence within their current relationship and 32% within a past relationship. [15] Gay men have also been the victims of non-consexual sex with one study of 930 participants reporting a prevalence rate of 27.6%. [16]

There are many ways that people hurt each other, whether it is intentional or unintentional. Either way, we cannot lie still and take it – that only promotes further abuse or bullying. One study found that gay men use indirect aggression (e.g., silent treatment, “badmouthing”) and other forms of direct aggression (e.g., verbal assault) at similar levels compared to straight men. [17] Is retaliatory aggression the best solution, however? Most research indicates that aggression begets aggression, so a different response will likely result in a better resolution. Before I look at some of these better ways of dealing with bullies, I will outline what the research says about the characteristics of bullies.

Children and adults who bully are found to have authoritarian personalities with a strong need to control or dominate others. Bullies generally have good self-esteem and bullying may boost their self-esteem even further – by demeaning others, the bully feels even stronger. Other risk factors include (a) quickness to anger, (b) having well-entrenched patterns of aggressive behaviour, (c) mistaking others’ behaviours as being hostile, and (d) being rigid in one’ behaviour. [18] Often bullies enjoy injuring and hurting others, and they have little empathy for their victims. [19] Furthermore, they often have poor social skills and they lack social judgement. Some bullies suffer from personality disorders that prevent them from feeling appropriate emotions, such as guilt, compassion, or remorse. [20]

How do you deal with bullies or others who are victimizing you in some way? Here are a few helpful suggestions:

1. Tell the bully or abuser to stop, and then calmly walk away. Bullies want a reaction, and if they don’t get one, they may soon lose interest. It is important to send body language that indicates you are not vulnerable. It is also helpful to tell the bully or abuser what you will do should another incident of abuse occurs, such as, “If you ever strike me again, I will call the police and have you charged with assault.”

2. Lighten the situation through humour. That may create a different dynamic between you and the bully or abuser, or it may at least distract the perpetrator long enough for you to get away.

3. Do not physically fight back. Often bullies pick on those whom they perceive as weaker than themselves, and if this is the case, you are only going to get hurt. If you are physically stronger, you may be the one who suffers consequences if you end up hurting the perpetrator.

4. Don’t blame yourself. No-one deserves to be treated disrespectfully or in a hurtful manner. The bully or abuser is the problem – not you.

5. Be confident. It is important to show that you are confident and have adequate self-esteem. If you are in control, the bully will not be.

6. Hold your anger. Often bullies want to see you angry as it indicates they have control over your emotions. You want them to know that they are not controlling you.

7. Talk about it. Tell others about your experience of being bullied. The more people know, the more empowered you will feel to do something about it.

8. Have witnesses. Better to have others with you if at all possible as it will probably reduce the likelihood of bullying or abuse, and witnesses are helpful should continuing abuse require police intervention.

I remember once being at the Roost in Edmonton when my partner’s throat was grabbed by a patron believing that he had acted inappropriately toward his female friend a week earlier. The fact that we lived in Calgary and came to Edmonton rarely was not known to this guy, but regardless, my partner was not prepared to accept his behaviour. He raced over to get security and led this burly bouncer over to the perpetrator. I remember as my partner yelled loudly, “THIS IS THE GUY WHO ASSAULTED ME BY GRAPPING MY THROAT!” I later found out he wanted everyone to hear him. By unveiling the secret of abuse, the perpetrator learned that such behaviour was public and that it would result in consequences.

As queer individuals, we have been victimized enough. It is time to fight back in socially appropriate and meaningful ways. We don’t deserve to ever be victims again.

Dr. Alderson is an associate professor of counselling psychology at the University of Calgary who specializes in gay and lesbian studies. He also maintains a private practice. He can be contacted by confidential email at alderson@ucalgary.ca, or by confidential voice mail at 605-5234.

References:

1. Bullying. (2008, March 26). Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Retrieved March 26, 2008 from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullying

2. Blanchard, R., McConkey, J. G., Roper, V., & Steiner, B. W. (1983). Measuring physical aggressiveness in heterosexual, homosexual, and transsexual males. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 12(6), 511-524.

3. Balsam, K. F., Rothblum, E. D., & Beauchaine, T. P. (2005). Victimization Over the life span: A comparison of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and heterosexual siblings. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 73(3), 477-487.

4. Morris, J. F., & Balsam, K. F. (2003). Lesbian and bisexual women’s experiences of victimization: Mental health, revictimization, and sexual identity development. Journal of Lesbian Studies, 7(4), 67-85. [quote from p. 67].

5. D’Augelli, A. R., Pilkington, N. W., & Hershberger, S. L. (2002). Incidence and mental health impact of sexual orientation victimization of lesbian, gay, and bisexual youths in high school. School Psychology Quarterly, 17(2), 148-167.

6. Williams, T. Connolly, J., Pepler, D., & Craig, W. (2003). Questioning and sexual minority adolescents: High school experiences of bullying, sexual harassment and physical abuse. Canadian Journal of Community Mental Health, 22, 47-58.

7. Brunt, P., & Brophy, K. (2006). Gay tourist victimisation. International Review of Victimology, 13(3), 275-299.

8. Friedman, M. S., Koeske, G. F., Silvestre, A. J., Korr, W. S., & Sites, E. W. (2006). The impact of gender-role nonconforming behavior, bullying, and social support on suicidality among gay male youth. Journal of Adolescent Health, 38(5), 621-623.

9. Rivers, I. (2004). Recollections of bullying at school and their long-term implications for lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals. Crisis: The Journal of Crisis Intervention and Suicide Prevention, 25(4), 169-175.

10. Balsam, Rothblum, & Beauchaine (2005).

11. Freedner, N., Freed, L. H., Yang, Y. W., & Austin, S. B. (2002). Dating violence among gay, lesbian, and bisexual adolescents: Results from a community survey. Journal of Adolescent Health, 31(6), 469-474.

12. Halpern, C. T., Young, M. L., Waller, M. W., Martin, S. L., & Kupper, L. L. (2004). Prevalence of partner violence in same-sex romantic and sexual relationships in a national sample of adolescents. Journal of Adolescent Health, 35(2), 124-131.

13. Williams, Connolly, Pepler, & Craigt (2003).

14. Greenwood, G. L., Relf, M. V., Huang, B., Pollack, L. M., Canchola, J. A., & Catania, J. A. (2002). Battering victimization among a probability-based sample of men who have sex with men. American Journal of Public Health, 92(12), 1964-1969.

15. Turell, S. C. (2000). A descriptive analysis of same-sex relationship violence for a diverse sample. Journal of Family Violence, 15(3), 281-293.

16. Hickson, F. C. I., Davies, P. M., Hunt, A. J., Weatherburn, P., McManus, T. J., & Coxon, P. M. (1994). Gay men as victims of nonconsensual sex. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 23(3), 281-294.

17. Sergeant, M. J. T., Dickins, T. E., Davies, M. N. O., & Griffiths, M. D. (2006). Aggression, empathy and sexual orientation in males. Personality and Individual Differences, 40(3), 475-486.

18. Bullying. (2008, March 26). Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Retrieved March 26, 2008 from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullying

19. Clearinghouse on Elementary and Early Childhood Education. (1997). Bullying in schools. Retrieved March 26, 2008 from http://www.kidsource.com/kidsource/content3/bullies.k12.2.html

20. New, M. (2007, June). Dealing with bullying. Retrieved March 26, 2008 from http://www.kidshealth.org/PageManager.jsp?dn=KidsHealth&lic=1&ps=207&cat_id=20128&article_set=20425