To quote from the song “Everything Possible” by Fred Small, “the only measure of your words and your deeds, Will be the love you leave behind when you’re done.”

And Sandra Casey was very much loved.

She had just finished helping out at Money Pennies bar and restaurant, and was leaving for home when she became a victim of a hit and run early Sunday, January 18th. She leaves behind friends, family, and wife, Deb Boniface.

The driver fled the scene, but police eventually made an arrest: 43-year-old Stavros Steve Costoulas is charged with hit and run causing death.

All who knew Sandra were shocked by this event. They described her as charismatic, and someone who loved by anyone she met – which is evidenced by the outpouring of support on the various Facebook pages set up after her passing, the turnout at the fundraiser, and by Deb’s recounting (below) of the funeral in Ireland.

The arrest was some small consolation to her friends and loved ones; of more comfort was when they held a fundraiser at Money Pennies Pub on January 24th to help pay funeral costs. The event was not only to raise money but also to celebrate Sandra Casey’s life. The reception for this event, pulled together in such a short time, was amazing; organizers said support and donations came from customers, friends, small and large businesses who wanted to honor Sandra, or were touched by this tragic accident. Over $20,000 was raised, even before a silent auction began. This money was used to pay for the transportation of Sandra, Deb and Diana (Sandra’s friend and previous partner) to Ireland. It was Sandra’s wish to be buried alongside her mother in her native Ireland.

GayCalgary and Edmonton Magazine wishes to extend our condolences to her wife Deb, along with Sandra’s family and friends. Below, we have included Deb’s description of her time in Ireland (with minor corrections for spelling and grammar):

Sandra arrived in Ireland on Sunday, January 25th at 6:55 their time. She was met at the airport by dozens of family that escorted her back to her sister Aine’s home. They all wanted to see her so badly but had to wait. Sandra’s cousin, Paul McEvoy, then did what was needed to get Sandra ready for the three-day wake that started that night. I traveled to Ireland with Diana, who was Sandra’s partner for 6 years, and we were picked up on the Monday by Sandra’s sister Aine and went straight to her sister’s home. Diana and I were a wreck; here we were two lesbians in the heartland of Irish Catholics going to her funeral where I had already been warned that our marriage was not accepted by everyone, meeting Sandra’s family for the first time, and the finality of burying a wife. We were accepted with open arms by Sandra’s immediate family, and to the older family we were simply know as “the Canadians”.

On arrival at Aine’s home, we met her brother Damien, sisters Carol and Fiona and we went in the living room where Sandra was. We stayed for a few hours until jet lag and everything else caught up and we went to a hotel to be back there the next day. We then found a familiar face as our Eimer had made the trip up from the south.

So, for the next few days was the wake, where Sandra’s family was awake day and night to sit with Sandra and greet the over 300 people that came to the house. Everyone took turns sitting with Sandra including younger nephews, cousins and nieces - some not more than 10 years old.

After the end of the wake, prayers were given and we were all given our chance to say our final goodbyes before Sandra’s casket was sealed. It was at this point that the reality of the past 10 days was starting to sink in, to all of us as during the wake itself, we able to be close to Sandra, to touch her, kiss her, play with her hair and spend that final time. After the casket was closed, we all came outside, and various members of Sandra’s family and friends took turns carrying her casket down the road about 50 meters where she was placed in her cousin’s hearse.

Then, the 50+ people who were at the house started the walk to Cloughoge Chapel which was about 5km away, all uphill. We all walked behind the hearse, with me, her brothers and sisters being closest behind; Diana and I will never forget the clicking of her cousin Paul McEoy’s umbrella on the street as he was dressed in the traditional undertaker’s clothing of a top hat and tails. He was the only person allowed to be next to the car.

As we walked up the road, Diana and I got a sense of the respectfulness the Irish have, as every vehicle that the hearse passed on the opposite side of the road stopped and did not proceed till the hearse had passed. The traffic - consisting of cars, lorries, buses and motorcycles - was backed up for miles as the road itself was a main street into Newry.

When we got to the chapel, Sandra was taken in and we all followed into where the priest gave the traditional Irish ceremony. This was followed by Holy Communion, and after it was done, Sandra was taken behind the church where she was lowered into her mother’s grave by hand and the last prayers were given. We then placed our flowers on the grave and everyone offered a peaceful handshake to all that was there before we made our way back to her sister Aine’s house for sandwiches and tea.

If it wasn’t for the fund-raising efforts arranged by Money-Pennies, her closest friends and her cousin Paul McEvoy, Sandra would likely not have been able to leave for Ireland as quickly as she did - if at all; making it possible for her family to see her for one last time and, to quote her family, give her “a good send off.”

The people in Ireland were amazing and accepting to a point where their way of life would permit it; it wasn’t until Diana and I were able to actually experience it did we understand why Sandra loved her heritage so much. To the priest in the church, I was her Debs, which he stammered to get out, and to the extended older family I was her friend from Canada, her partner to others, but to most her wife. But even though the boundaries were there, that Diana and I knew about before we arrived, it was also the most important reason to have been there. To her brothers PJ and Damien, sisters Carol, Aine and Fiona, I was their sister in-law.