Steve Martin once said “there’s someone out there for everyone - even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them.” For some people in Calgary’s GBLT community, they are also using the extra tool of a gay matchmaking agency – Entre-Nous. But will you walk away with the person of your dreams, or will you just end up with the money sucked from your wallet?
Entre-Nous bills itself as “Canada’s only matchmaking service catering exclusively to same-sex relationships.” Like most matchmaking services, there are fees to be paid; fees which are not cheap, but fees which people have paid in hopes that the service is using the money to find you an appropriate match.
“Sam”, an IT consultant, has been together with his partner for a year; to that he credits Entre-Nous. When it comes to public knowledge of his sexuality, he described himself as “reserved”. He used the dating service out of frustration – Sam wanted to meet someone he could settle down with; of the men he had been dating, none of them were considered long-term material.
He admits the membership cost isn’t cheap, but he felt you get what you pay for. Regarding the fees, due to the confidentiality agreement with Entre-Nous, Sam couldn’t tell us what he paid, but he did confirm that he and his partner have guessed they paid roughly the same. Prior to the agency introducing him to his current partner, Sam met with two other men, but no sparks flew. As he did find his partner through the service, he felt it was worth the money – or as he said, “you can’t put a price on a relationship”. When asked if he’d heard of any negative feedback on Entre-Nous from his friends, he admitted he hadn’t, but he also said he hadn’t told anyone he used a dating agency.
However, finding negative feedback about Entre-Nous was not hard.
John Freriksen is the owner of a successful business in downtown Calgary. The one thing missing from his life was a romantic partner. He didn’t like meeting people at the bars, didn’t use the chat lines or any of the various dating websites, and was too busy to look into any other alternatives for mating and dating. He considered using Entre-Nous to match him with a potential mate. All he had heard about them was that they were good, but not cheap.
Last Spring, John took a chance, and was soon in a small meeting room going through their interview process – which consisted of filling out about twenty pages of forms to help build a profile of him and what he wanted in a partner. The Entre-Nous staff checked on him periodically, but the set up felt odd – like a marketing scheme: “You feel really weird, because you know these people are not from here (Calgary), and you’re sitting in a small room filling out forms”. This sent up red flags for John – he started to sense something wasn’t right. Finally, when he asked how much Entre-Nous wanted to charge, he was told it would cost anywhere from $10,000-$20,000 to sign up. This was a large investment, even for a successful businessman.
John hesitated, and asked for more time to think about it…at which point Entre-Nous staff gave him more forms to fill out. In this time, John decided against signing up: “I told them, it’s not about the money. I don’t know you from a hole in the wall. I don’t know where you’re from; you told me you’re leaving tomorrow for Vancouver, so that means you’re here for only one day. …As a business person – you know when people scheming something.”
Unfortunately, Entre-Nous wasn’t going to let John get away that easily. “They come back with a receipt – $15,000 on my Visa. I said, excuse me, I have not given you any permission to put this on my Visa. I said I want it back, and I’m not leaving until I get it back.”
He waited there for almost 2 and a half hours, as they tried to convince him they couldn’t refund the money. John told them, “I want a signed piece of paper showing me you owe me the $15,000.” Then they had to phone management and further delay him. He was livid – he never permitted them to charge his card nor had he seen any form indicating this was going to happen. “They were just trying to push it through that you would pay for it.”
This happened on a Saturday. On Monday John got a call back from Montreal. Again they gave him excuses, but John was adamant – especially after verifying the amount was charged to his Visa. Then it got more interesting.
“I was offered to keep my mouth shut,” John said. “I was offered for $5000 - a membership.” He didn’t bite, and insisted on getting a full refund. John promised that if he was not given a refund, he’d make a loud and very public stink about what occurred through his media contacts. A week and a half later he finally got his money back.
He doesn’t think it was a simple mistake or miscommunication. “It is a scheme, absolutely a scheme.” As a business owner, John has encountered situations where errors are made, and he knows that the manner in which such errors are handled is a sign of how professional a person or company is. While he would not use their services, had Entre-Nous at the start simply told him “so sorry, it was a mistake, we keep our word, here’s your full refund,” he would have been happy to forget the whole situation.
After this encounter he doesn’t believe a word Entre-Nous says. “They might find - once in a while - the right person for someone,” John said, but he thinks they are swindling a lot of people in the meantime. “A lot of people keep their month shut. Like me…I said to myself, it’s over and done with, I should have known better, and I’m glad I found that out before I paid a dime.”
Fortunately, John didn’t sign any confidentiality agreements. This is important because that agreement keeps you from disclosing your fee to other people (including any prospective dates they send to you). Both from researching news stories on the web and speaking (anonymously) to other Entre-Nous clientele, I discovered the price can vary from around $500 to $8000. One gentlemen commented Entre-Nous’ screening of applicants seemed to be based on whether you can pay. He offered his credit card and was swiftly approved as a member – no time seemed to be taken verifying other important details – such as “no substance abusers, or persons with criminal convictions” as stated on their website.
While I can’t speak to the drug equation, I can tell you the only time you can request a record of someone’s criminal history (or lack thereof) is if you are an existing or potential employer. This is another misrepresentation – a promise that they can’t possibly deliver on.
Indeed, regardless of the amount charged for membership, the product provided by Entre-Nous seems to come up short not just in Calgary, but in several other cities. I had a quick conversation with Fred Kuhr, writer with GBLT weekly Xtra!. His paper and Xtra! West have reported on several similar situations. In January, Xtra! reported the Ontario Ministry of Small Business and Consumer Services “charged Entre-Nous with two counts of failing to deliver on a valid contract, two counts of failing to deliver a refund within 15 days and two counts of false, misleading and unfair practices.” Additionally, “in 2006 Terry Wong of Toronto filed a small claims suit against the company for alleged misrepresentation and allegedly failing to live up to its contractual obligations. Last June, Wong won his suit and was awarded close to half of the nearly $8,000 he claims to have paid to the dating service.”
Digging a little deeper into additional reports from Xtra! West, Entre-Nous themselves admitted fees can vary. Patricia Ross, their client service representative stated “desirability” could play a factor in deciding to charge someone less for the service. As well, hesitancy may lower the fees, as another gentleman found out. Paul F., a 74-year old retiree from Vancouver balked at the price and Entre-Nous eventually lowered their rates to $500 in installments over five months. His experience with the service was less than stellar, as the company didn’t honor his requirements in a potential date. Additionally, he discovered the fee disparity when one of his dates told Paul he paid even less than $500 for the service.
Interestingly enough, dubious behavior in a matchmaking agency is not unique to the GBLT community alone. In 2008, CBC’s Markeplace broadcast an episode on a straight matchmaking service (“Can’t Buy Me Love”). They found out much like Entre-Nous, the straight dating agency’s fees could vary based on desirability. Women of different ages were charged different rates ranging from $2.00 to thousands of dollars. Again, like Entre-Nous, members of this service were not aware such price differentials existed.
While clients of Entre-Nous may – for the most part – be keeping quiet, a paper trail is forming. A search on the Better Business Bureau of Ontario (where Entre-Nous is based) came up with multiple complaints and a ranking of “F”.
That being said, in our community small slights can get magnified to dramatic levels. I sent a list of my questions and concerns to Entre-Nous, with the hopes of including their side of the story in this article. At the time of publication, I had yet to hear back from them (even though, I’m told, they had time enough to contact my editor with concerns over the article and my questions). This was not surprising, because according to Kuhr, Entre-Nous has a reputation of being secretive when it comes to the inner workings of their company.
That non-response, along with other concerns, might raise warning signals. Here we have a business which legally binds their customers to keep quiet about their prices, but doesn’t have a set price for rendering what is conceivably a similar service. Imagine walking into a store and being required to put on a blindfold, then told that the amount of the product you want is based on what’s in your wallet. No, you can’t check out their inventory – they’ll bring out the product for you. And if you even think of comparing notes with another customer, there could be consequences.
Of course the target market for this service would likely have a large component of closeted or semi-closeted males and females, and/or people who might not want to admit that they used a dating agency. This means that if this agency is truly doing their customers wrong, they can count on the fact that most will not fight back for fear of outing themselves in more ways than one.
While Sam has proof of success through Entre-Nous’ service in his ongoing relationship, John on the other hand would not recommend Entre-Nous whatsoever. His philosophy toward business mistakes is to admit them, fix them, and move on. With Entre-Nous, he got the run-around and the feeling that (and I quote) “…they didn’t give a shit.” When you’re feeling vulnerable in the search for your future spouse, the last thing you want is for someone to mess with your mind, and your wallet.
