When I first became involved in the leather scene, SM wasn’t the first thing on my mind. After all, I just wanted to lick a hot pair of boots being worn by a masculine daddy-type dressed head-to-toe in dead cow… naively I thought “I’m nothing like those sickos who like pain”! (To clarify, when I refer to SM, I am specifically discussing the act of exchanging the sensation of pain between two people for the purposes of physical, emotional, and mental arousal.)
How easy it is to influence the young and impressionable, though! A mouthful of cigar smoke in my face and being told, “Tonight you’re going to take some pain for Sir,” was all the convincing I needed to try it. The scene that night was very light; it’s often a good idea to leave a new SM bottom begging for more, fulfilled but not satiated, at the end of a session. But even though my first true SM-induced dump of endorphins wouldn’t come until several months after that, the experience has stuck with me as my first introduction to SM.
As we already know, the sensation of pain is what our conscious minds experience when our bodies are screaming at us: “HEY, SOMETHING TERRIBLE IS CURRENTLY HAPPENING!” Pain hurts. Masochist or not, it sucks to stub a toe or to break a wrist or to get shoved down several flights of stairs – that pain is a hardwired response. Biologically speaking, if pain felt good in every sense of the word, it would be a pointless if not self-defeating sensation. Nonetheless, when we experience the displeasure of pain, the pituitary gland releases these wonderful little opiate-like compounds into the body known as endorphins - something that also happens during periods of mental excitement and orgasm. These compounds act both as a natural painkiller and provide a sense of well-being. To put it bluntly, SM can give you a natural high.
SM also has the power to keep a participant in the moment. The world fades away; the past, the future, and everything except for the people directly involved in the scene, are forgotten. For a short period of time, all that exists are the sensations, and the connection between participants. It’s a happy release from the deadlines, schedules, and relationships of the real world.
The art of SM, however, lies in the knowledge and experience of the top. There’s something very zen about what happens: the bottom “rides” the pain that the top shares with them, while the top focuses on how their bottom reacts to each strike.
An SM experience is not just about sensation; it is also about a connection between two (or more) people. My fondest memories of SM do not come from any one specific punch to the chest or strike of a flogger; instead, what I remember most is the actions of the men who I’ve played with between those periods of sensation, as if the rush of endorphins intensifies any kind of attraction between myself and the men who I play with. In the middle of a scene, having my back rubbed with a leather gloved hand, soothing the pain, as my top whispers, “Good boy,” into my ear is beyond any kind of expression of appreciation that I’ve ever experienced in the vanilla world.
Of course, with this exploration of hypermasculine sexuality, nothing is set in stone. During particularly intense SM, it’s not entirely uncommon for somebody to cry from joy, scream in agony, laugh maniacally, or yell in rage. As an experienced SM bottom once related to me, it all depends on what doors get opened during that particular session. Especially heavy bottoms, with the help of a skilled top, can even attain out-of-body experiences with the help of SM. Regardless of the emotional state that SM puts the bottom in, he needs to be mentally prepared to just go with it much like he needs to be prepared to just go with the sensation of pain.
Being guided through these emotional states requires a significant amount of trust between bottom and top. During good SM, the top and bottom share a part of themselves with each other that is rarely seen by the outside world. They both allow themselves to become vulnerable, sharing desires that are often suppressed outside of the playroom. It’s only natural that they would have a level of affinity for each other after sharing an SM experience.
If this article has sparked interest, I would recommend seeking out somebody who can guide you through an SM scene in a safe, sane, and consensual manner. Although there are books available that go through the process of how to flog or spank or cane somebody, no book can compare to the lessons learned from 1-on-1 interaction with an experienced leatherman who can show, firsthand, the necessary safety precautions and techniques that can be implemented to provide a pleasurable and safe experience for all involved.
I invite anybody who is interested in exploring SM to my weekly discussions at the Calgary Eagle, 8pm on Wednesdays. For more insight into the psychological appeal of SM, there is a wonderful section on the subject in Urban Aboriginals by Geoff Mains.
