In this three part series, leather relationships that exist within a dynamic of dominance and submission are examined. The series continues this month I shed some light on the often misunderstood relationship dynamic of Daddy and boy.
(Editor’s Note: The use of the term “boy” does not in any way refer to a child or otherwise underage individual. It refers to the younger participant in a consensual and legally acceptable relationship.)
Both Master/slave and Daddy/boy relationships consist of a dominant, experienced top and a submissive bottom, but there is a major difference. In Master/slave, the primary focus is on the Master but with Daddy/boy, the focus is on the boy.
The reason for this lies in the way that participants approach dominance and submission. A Master ultimately cares about his own quality of life above all else, and of course the quality of his slave’s life is bettered by serving the Master. Daddies and their boys see things differently: The Daddy enters the relationship often out of a desire to better the life of a boy who can benefit from his knowledge and experience, while the boy often enters the relationship out of a subconscious desire for this knowledge and experience.
As a result, the Daddy in many ways becomes a father figure in the boy’s life. The boy might seek his guidance both in and out of leather culture, and the Daddy provides the boy with the wisdom he needs to learn and grow. On the surface and often in the boy’s mind, he is serving his Daddy, but in actuality the relationship is all about the boy. That isn’t to say that the boy is encouraged or even permitted to top, however, his fantasies are desires are brought into play much more readily than a slave’s would be when in a relationship with a Master.
Since many boys involved in this style of relationships are inexperienced or even completely new to leather culture, the play is often very light hearted and warm, with a lot of focus on less intense sensations. Even those who desire heavy play need to work up to mentally and physically handling such a scene. As a result, the Daddy would be more inclined to give the boy his first experience wearing full leather, sharing a cigar, and exploring new sensations – less inclined to strap him to a cross and beat him black and blue. The time may come for the boy to be beaten black and blue, of course, but within a Daddy/boy relationship such a scene would likely be marked with periods of physical intimacy, and this physical intimacy is part of what allows the boy to explore. For boys who had previously only known leathersex as a fantasy within their minds, this establishes a bond and a level of trust between them and their Daddy.
The age difference between Daddy and boy comes with an inherent dynamic of dominance and submission. This happens naturally, as the boy defers to his Daddy often without initial instruction to do so. As a result, there is less focus on protocol or formality between Daddy and boy, and the relationship is less structured and militaristic on the surface. Still, the Daddy may have plans for his boy, lining up a series of experiences intended to introduce the boy to different aspects of leather culture and provide him with the tools he needs to grow even in his everyday life. What appears to be domestic service is actually an exercise in getting the boy organized: having the boy work on his Daddy’s boots until he achieves a mirror shine will ensure that the boy cares for his own boots in a similar way. While there is never a concrete lesson plan, the Daddy sets his sights on what the boy wants to achieve and guides him in that direction.
Unfortunately there are also many misconceptions about this kind of relationship, most common is that it bares incestuous connotations. While father and son roleplay may be a part of some play sessions, those are definitely in the minority, and in no way are the participants actually related. Another common misunderstanding of paedophilic fantasy stems from the obvious connotations of the words “daddy” and “boy” in a family sense, so I point out that within leather culture it is understood that everybody who engages in Daddy/boy relationships are consenting adults. Furthermore, age-play (a form of roleplay where participants take on the role of an age that differs from their own) is rare in leather culture.
As a matter of fact, some Daddies and boys may not even have a sexual relationship. The Daddy may be a father figure that mentors the boy, and they may share a certain personal intimacy; however, their relationship may be non-sexual. In this case, the boy often consults his Daddy before playing, asking about what he needs to know about his potential play-partner. This may be extended to after the play session is over, where the boy discusses his play sessions with his Daddy, who helps the boy learn and grow from those experiences.
So in conclusion, the often misunderstood Daddy/boy relationship is a warm, semi-casual dynamic of dominance and submission, and functions as a great introduction to leather culture.
However, in time the boy may want a more intense level of dominance and submission, at which point the relationship may evolve into one that is described as a Sir/boy dynamic. This will be examined next month, as the conclusion to this series on leather relationships.
