It seems that LGBT people are often looked to as, or self-proclaimed to be, ambassadors of open mindedness. What we go through supposedly makes us more empathetic to other minorities who suffer the same injustices.

While in some cases this may be true, I have to admit that I have become quite sceptical of this in the broader sense. I’ve met, or at least heard the opinions of LGBT people who are just as racist or sexist, even transphobic, as the straight people they condemn for being homophobic. When our community has been patting itself on the back for battling on the forefront for human rights, acceptance, and equality, this sounds like a contradiction in terms—shameful, even hypocritical.

While circumstances have forced many to (sometimes reluctantly) accept homosexuality for their own sake, it seems to be a constant that people are only as open minded as they need to be – and that stems from how open minded they are taught to be from observing their parents.

For instance, this month we have an interview with Nate Phelps, a son of the man behind the “God Hates Fags” campaign (pg. 43). He is certainly not gay, but offers some insight into the mindset of one of the most hated families in North America. While Nate has escaped from his father’s teachings, and acknowledges that he understands how warped they are from what is acceptable in greater society, he discusses how difficult it was to squash these preset thoughts and behaviours in order to integrate with the outside world.

There is something to be said for the powerful influence family has over shaping children, and the instinctive force that pushes a child to replicate those behaviours – like a social genetics of sorts. While finding out that you are gay may make you question what your relatives have taught you, it certainly doesn’t require you to re-form all of your opinions anew. One has to realise that there can be no sudden, revolutionary leaps of reasoning beyond what you currently understand. A reflection of the beliefs of the people around you while growing up, is the necessary starting point, for lack of any other one. The only thing that can change this imprint is any life experience you may have that leads you compellingly to other conclusions. This is of course, assuming your upbringing has adequately equipped you to assimilate new experiences (to be open minded), and not brainwashed you to discard them on principle, or accept only the ones that are self-serving (closed minded).

In this dichotomy, I have to say, I think LGBT people are wrong to assume they are any better than other demographics. I don’t say this to put us down, only to try and call attention to what may be a false sense of security about our open mindedness. We’ll never undergo the journey to earn a badge of universal tolerance until we lose this idea that our gay card somehow replaces the need for one.

All of that being said, I realized recently that my knowledge and involvement within the LGBT community had lulled me into a somewhat narrow mindset of my own.

It all started unravelling back in November at the Taboo Sex Show, when we were pleasantly surprised to have some in depth dialogue with a number of people that identified themselves to us as being Bisexual. While they were very appreciative and supportive of what we do with the magazine, through nothing in particular that they said, I began getting this nagging feeling at the back of my mind. I began to think that as LGBT organizations, we often make the assumption that by serving gay men and women, we by extension cater to, and profess to understand the lives of bisexuals—or their “gay side” anyway. But therein lies the flaw in our logic. People who are Bisexual are not just the sum of a gay half and a straight half – they are a single, whole person, and a seamless union of both camps.

This is a difficult concept for many of us, myself included, to wrap our heads around – and not for lack of trying. It shows me that my sum of knowledge from the straight world and from the gay world has not been enough to understand what it really means to be Bi. And for me, this points out how this LGBT utopia is really just a pink-tinted mirror image of the straight camp, with more parallels that we’d care to admit, and subsequently a reinvention of many of the same problems. Sure, it is better for us, but is it really better?

So deep philosophical questions aside, it was here we found out that Calgary has swingers clubs outside of the LGBT community...in fact, quite a number of them. And it blew my mind to think there was this whole other underground bar community based on sexuality that we didn’t even know existed. A lot of what we have done with this magazine has been focused on bringing segments of our LGBT community out of obscurity – to bring isolated groups into public knowledge, and to give a clear view of the big picture. But this new discovery is completely unexplored territory (for us anyway), and in a way, it’s really exciting.

We arranged a meeting with one such club, to come down one night and see what the place is like. This one is a lot better hidden than our gay bars—tucked away in a little known corner of the suburbs, only active at night, long after the businesses around them are closed (and shockingly only a few blocks from the Fabricland where my mom works during the day). Admission is not open to anyone who walks in – the club only lets in members, and people can only become members on recommendation from friends who are members. So the clientele is regulated a lot more strictly, and this is only possible through the fact that they are not an alcohol-serving establishment – it is strictly BYOB...and other things.

What I witnessed, as the owners took us on a tour of the place and we settled down for an in depth chat, was something very new to me: an openness about sexuality like I had never seen before in our province. Unlike a bathhouse where people often choose to have exploratory sex behind closed doors, here everything occurs out in the open – anyone can watch, anyone can participate (if they respectfully gain permission).

So LGBT people thinking we’re at the forefront of sexual enlightenment may be another false sense of achievement. Once again I say, we have some lessons to learn.

February 2010

The exhibit of Kent Monkman, the artist featured on last month’s cover, had its launch party at the Glenbow Museum. Attendance was through the roof, and we finally got the chance to see the original pieces. In some paintings, Monkman does vast, breathtaking landscapes, but it’s the subtle details that give them their queer slant. It’s hard to appreciate this difference in scale until you see the paintings for yourself. There is still time – the exhibit runs until April 25th.

The Calgary Eagle celebrated their 8th anniversary by doing something a little different. They closed down the bar for the week leading up to this date, in order to do some renovations and launch a fresh new look and attitude. While it will always be a leather bar at heart, part of what the renovations have accomplished is to make the venue cater better to the needs of the community. With a brighter atmosphere, comfier seating, nicer bathrooms, and a fresh set of ideas for working in partnership with the city’s non-profit groups, the bar has secured a place for itself for many years to come.

This Month

• The ARGRA Dance in Calgary is on March 13th, and they’re kicking it off with an hour of Karaoke from 8-9pm. See their ad for details.

• The annual St. Patrick’s Day Irish Auction in is happening March 14th at the Texas Lounge in Calgary. See their ad for details.

• The Coming Out Monologues makes its debut on March 19th. See their ad, or the article on page 27 for details.

• Woody’s in Edmonton is celebrating their 8th Anniversary on March 20th.

• The next bi-monthly BEEF Bearbash is happening on March 27th at Boots Bar in Edmonton. See their ad for details.

• The Calgary Eagle is hosting a Mac & Cheese Competition benefitting the SHARP Foundation on March 28th.

• Apollo Western Cup happens April 1st to 3rd. Go down to the sports venues to watch the tournaments for free, and keep your schedule open for the annual Western Cup Dance on the 3rd. See their ads for details.