Since becoming new fathers last summer our lives have been turned upside down in too many ways to count here. Mostly it has been a really fun ride. All the firsts – first steps, first words, first kisses, first foods, first dances, and yes, even the first time using the potty - we have met with the requisite chest thumping pride like our boy just advanced the theory of relativity beyond Einstein’s. Of course there has also been the first cold, first cuts and scrapes, first nightmare, first disagreement, and first timeout, which admittedly I have needed some advice about how to handle. Being the curious man I am, I have found some really excellent resources which might come in handy for others.

I love conversation threads that operate like support groups, but haven’t found too many just for gay parents, and even less for gay dads. I recently discovered a great page on Facebook simply called Gay Fathers. On this page, my husband and I have found many other dads, of all ages, from around the globe, which we share a common experience with. Not only are the threads informative and based on what all of us are going through with our kids, they are also a place of support for the many men who are just coming out to their families and children.

Dealing with the unique issues of transitioning from the façade of a heterosexual lifestyle to one of being completely honest with one’s self, and one’s family for the first time in one’s life, is something I never even thought about until recently. Since I came out as a teenager, and never looked back, that is something I’m really grateful to have missed. I have been brought to tears many times reading some of these stories and admire the strength it must take to finally look in the mirror and have the courage to be honest, no matter the consequences.

Coming out is already hard enough, and when you have a somewhat understandably bitter spouse ready, willing, and all too often able to try and drive a wedge between you and your kids, it’s just heartbreaking.

I have found the men on this page to be stable, supportive, level headed, and, most of all, friendly and willing to share their own accounts of some very common things all parents go through. It is a true brotherhood and, right now, it is my go to resource to talk about pretty much anything concerning our family.

Then there is medical advice. From teething, to diet questions, vaccinations, to care for minor cuts and scrapes, I have the number for Health Link Alberta on speed dial. The help line is answered by registered nurses who are just phenomenal in my opinion. I have called at all hours of the day, and night, and I always get someone who is knowledgeable, patient, and makes me feel like I’m not just an over-excited new parent, even though, in most cases, I probably am.

My first experience with them came the third night we had our new baby boy. He was just starting to stand on his own and was sitting on our couch in the living room playing with a stuffed monkey, when all of a sudden he literally jumped up to his feet, bounced off the cushion, and went face first into the coffee table.  I was only about a metre away, and even though it seemed like it went in slow motion, all I could do is watch, horrified, as it all unfolded. When he looked up at me he had blood coming from his mouth, but he wasn’t crying yet. That came when I started bawling, convinced I had already ‘broken’ him.  I scooped him up, found what was bleeding in his mouth, and immediately called the help line, convinced I would be on the way to the emergency room soon after that.

I was relieved to speak to a woman who was so sweet she could have been my own mom. After we went through a checklist of things – like was he conscious, what was bleeding, what was his demeanour, were his pupils dilated, how long ago had it happened, and did he knock out any of the few teeth he already had – she gave me encouragement, which calmed me down and then reminded me how resilient children are. She told me to put an ice pack on his busted lip for as long as he would let me and, if he didn’t show any signs of a concussion, or was especially moody or cranky, he would more than likely be fine. He was and, as it turned out, the only basket case that night was me.

To reach these fine folks toll free dial 1-866-408-5465 and if you live in Calgary dial (403) 943-5465 and they will happily help you out.

The legal issues surrounding guardianship and parenting for same sex couples can be really overwhelming. In many cases we have to go through the court system and have a judge sign off to make our families legal whether you are adopting, fostering, or applying for permanent guardianship. Mine certainly falls under this category. Here, in Alberta, the Family Courts are amazingly efficient and provide legal services which don’t require hiring an expensive attorney if you don’t mind filling out all of the detailed paperwork and appearing in front of a judge to be ‘interviewed’. We have successfully used the Family Court Counsellors and the Family Justice Services to navigate the minefield of Alberta Family law. They have been nothing but supportive and informative through our own transition from being uncles to dads and, in my opinion, are a great resource for all things related to family legalese.

We are planning on going through with a legal adoption next year, and for that there is even a self-help guide we will use. That said, once we make application to the courts, we will still hire an attorney, just to put the icing on the cake, but you can save yourself a ton of money by tracking down all of the court documents and birth records, serving the parties involved yourself, filling out the myriad of affidavits, and going to the clerk’s office to file and get your court date. It’s pretty easy really, just takes dedication, attention to detail, and time... lots of time. To get all the information you need just go to http://www.albertacourts.ab.ca and look under the Family Court section for all the forms and numbers you need.

So there you have my three favourite resources that help me get through the maze that is being a modern gay parent. Some additional resources that deserve mentioning are this column, Proud Parenting, the Advocate Magazine parenting section, the LGBTQ Parenting Network, the Family Equality Council, thenextfamily.com, as well as Gay Family Values and Gay Adoptive Parents (both on Facebook). I encourage all parents to make use of any resources at their disposal, and if you have any questions, another resource you love, or want to plan a get together around Calgary, email me, Jim Scott, at parentingproud@gmail.com. Until next month, enjoy your families!!